Storms of the heart

It seems like forever since I sat down to write from the place in my heart where abundant encouragement dwells. The last couple of weeks have had their challenges which I allowed to 'get in my face' or block my focus, as it were.

A very wise person once told me that a person with the gift of encouragement for others is not easily encouraged by others when they need it most. I'm not sure why this is so, but it has definitely been my experience through the years!

Another thing that I do not understand fully is even tho' I know something to be true, believe it with all my heart, am truly convinced of something to be good and right (having lived with a certain principle as a characteristic that has become so great a part of my heart and life), how is it that I can lose sight of it and, at times, have to struggle so hard to keep it in focus?

This past week, as I was preparing music and myself for the first church meeting of Redeeming Life Fellowship, it seemed I was in constant turmoil in my heart. There are basic things I know to be true in the light of this venture: 1. I am created by God with gifts and styles of giftings that are mine alone, and He wants 'me' to be all He created 'me' to be! 2. Being 'me', is the only way to be truly fulfilled and effective in people's lives. (Efforts to be like someone else are fruitless.) 3. When I play the piano or sing, it is always with a heart to worship God, whom I adore. I have not, and I cannot play to impress people.

But, OH MY! This past week, I had to be reminded of these things over and over again! I've never dealt with so much frustration, feelings of incapability and fear about who I am and what I do! ! ! I was in such a dark and troublesome place and was constantly in a stormy sea of up and down, back and forth between what I know and love, and wrong ideas that drained my energies and joy. Finally, on Saturday, I was able to regain my focus and be settled in my heart with the music, my abilities and my simple desire to love and worship God.

My heart is so full of thanksgiving to God for my husband - Jeff, my best friend - Rebekah, and my daughter - Charisa, who tirelessly walked, hugged, comforted and said "Be of good courage" so many times! ! ! They, knowing who I am, could confidently say, "Be who you were created to be! Do what you can do and God will do the rest!" You people are the best!

And, thank you to all the friends who are on this venture of starting a church with us. What an incredible blessing you are as I watch you faithfully be who God created you to be! Thank you for sharing your beautiful gifts with all of us! What a pleasure it is to serve the King arm in arm with you.

I am still not 'jumpy-jolly' today. I feel weak and definitely like I've come through a stormy sea ride, but, my heart is at peace and thanksgiving is flowing. I know that I will be back to my encouraging self - soon.