Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Mother's Heartache

It is so hard for a mom to watch her children go through their own trials. Mom knows what it feels like to face disappointment again and again and again. The toughest part is feeling their pain in her heart and knowing that it's not in their best interest if she tried to change the situation. There's not much she can "do" except to try to understand what they're feeling and give empathy when possible.
Adolescents and young adults are living life - learning the decision making process and living with the consequences of their choices. The time for mom fixing the problems is over. Her efforts are channeled toward praying for them and hoping they are becoming stronger in their sense of responsibility, accountability and self control.
I don't like seeing my kids lose their privileges; fall short of their goal; or face disappointment in relationships. All of these things are important tutors at this stage of their lives, whose instruction is invaluable for the bigger choices in life, yet to come. It's very hard to look into the face of the kid you love and hear their plea for one more chance, knowing that if you give in, they would be ecstatic - but, they wouldn't have gained the priceless reward of better judgment and stronger fortitude for the bigger decisions in the future.
As a mom, I haven't done this perfectly, but I am learning that "tough love" is real love. And, believe me, it's tough to love this way.
To all my kids, right now - know that I am and always will cheer you on to the highest you can possibly achieve. Life stinks right now. I know you don't like what you are dealing with - anymore than I did at your age, or do even now. I would change things if I thought it would help, but I know that changing things right now, won't help in the long run. I'm here to listen and love you, with the firm belief that you'll come through this difficult time well.

2 comments:

Jane said...

I am finding that what you just said carries over to our grandchildren as well.I am learning even more with the next generation. Keep it up Diane for great are the rewards!!!

Diane said...

Thank you, Jane. I am doing the best I can and trusting God for the rest. Bless you!